I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
