Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We named our party play list daddy issues
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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