He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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