Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
