I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
