I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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