Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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