K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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