He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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