Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
