she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
