So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
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Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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