u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
