I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
