Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
