found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
