I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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