that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
