Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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