His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
