i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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