dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
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I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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