He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
