Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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