he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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