i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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