I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
