I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
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One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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