Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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