maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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