he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
