Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
