Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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