I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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