Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
