I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
