I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
