sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
