Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
