If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
