I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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