Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
