I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
