After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
pray to the hookup gods
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
