You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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