I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
