I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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