As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
