It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
