im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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