just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
