how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
