The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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