Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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