i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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