ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
