yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
