You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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