i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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