Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
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I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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