We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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