toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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