70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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